Behind the Curtain
I wrote this article as a moment of self reflection - that I didn’t expect to share. But, after sitting on it, and mulling it over, I think that there is something here worth saying.
I am fortunate to be able to own my own business - an indie board games publishing company at that. I have a wonderful wife, supportive friends and family, and one of the cutest dogs to ever grace the face of the earth.
Me, Chelsea & Ginger
And how I present myself publicly, and how I try to live my life, is by taking actionable steps to try and build the life that I want for myself and my family.
That’s what this blog is. It is a roadmap of how we are building this business. Some of it is technical, most of it is critical, and all of it is on topics that I wish I had known a little bit more about when we started this journey.
This article isn’t about the business side of building a business. This article is about the personal side. It’s about social pressure, and mental health, and it’s about community.
Mental Health, The Spiral of Anxiety, and Giving Yourself a Break
My largest mental health hurdle is my anxiety. It manifests itself in a lot of ways, some of which are healthy – I can be very self-reflective and critical in a positive way – but most of which are unhealthy.
I occasionally get into mini-cycles where my anxiety spurs me to avoidance, which causes more anxiety, which drives me to further avoidance. This can look like procrastination either from a specific task or everything, and I’ll bury myself in a book for two days and hardly interact with the outside world.
Goose’s Glade from Nut Hunt - looks like a nice place to escape to
Over time I’ve learned tricks for coping with and dealing with the symptoms of my anxiety.
I make hundreds of lists and segment down big scary tasks into more easily approachable bite size pieces.
I give myself mental space – by addressing the fact that I am in a cycle – and often this helps me talk myself through it. Just by acknowledging what is going on with ourselves mentally, it often gives us the leverage to work through it.
Last week I found myself in one of these spirals. I still got some stuff done. I responded to e-mails, posted one article, had a couple of meetings, and cold-emailed distributors. But, my productivity and mental health were in a rut.
And that’s ok.
I think it’s important that we cut ourselves some slack every now and then.
Last summer I sat down with my sister-in-law who is a clinical psychologist to talk through common mental health hurdles for game designers and entrepreneurs.
She gave a lot of really powerful actionable advice: 5 Pieces of Actionable Mental Health Advice for Game Designers & Publishers.
The Social Pressures of Building a Business
I had a friend ask me if he could have rulebook credit. He play-tested Nut Hunt a couple of times and gave some useful feedback.
It’s a tricky subject, because we’re very appreciative of everyone who helped bring Nut Hunt to life. But, by the time we launched the game we’d had hundreds of play-testers and received innumerable ideas and pieces of feedback.
Other than tangible contributors for things like illustration, only a handful of people are credited in Nut Hunt’s rulebook:
Andreas Voellmer: Andy was my go-to early play-tester, and in those sessions I hammered out the heart of the game. He’s an incredibly close and good friend of mine – who also happens to be the designer for Sigil. Throughout this entire journey he’s been a source of support.
Chelsea Townsend: Chelsea is my rock and my partner. She gave me the courage and support to turn our lives upside down and step away from my career to pursue this dream. While I run the day to day of Pine Island, none of this would be possible without her.
Adam Medeiros: I met Adam at Pax Unplugged last year. He fell in love with Nut Hunt and wanted to be more involved in bringing it to life. His friend Rob Costa coded up the Tabletop Simulator mod of the game. And, Adam was there every step of the way, playtesting, acting as a sounding board, sanity checking me, and helping iterate on everything from rules copy, to Kickstarter layout. He’s now helping me project plan Sigil including structuring out timelines and managing tasks.
Smartsheets helping me stay on task
It isn’t just about the rulebook. I get a surprising number of requests around the company and our games. Things like free merchandise, strangers asking for promotion (in a non-collaborative manner), and many demands on time that I don’t have the capacity to meet (which is why I try and offer what feedback and support I can on public forums like this blog).
In my friend’s case, I understand where he is coming from. He was asking for something ostensibly minor. And, from an outside perspective it is hard to know just how much work goes into a project.
It’s an interesting juxtaposition – when I worked in finance, I never felt any kind of demand for or ownership of my output from others. I think it’s something that I’ll just need to get used to and accept.
Being an entrepreneur has an aura around it. Some people might see the successes, might see me walking Ginger at 2 in the afternoon on a Tuesday, and miss the point. I chose a difficult but rewarding path. And, I’m still struggling along it and trying to fit all the pieces together.
I’m humbled and grateful to the support and love Chelsea and I receive from the vast, vast majority of people in our lives, and the broader communities that we are in. But at the end of the day this is a personal struggle, and a personal journey.
Community
The previous section really brings to mind all of the incredible people who have been generous with their time and emotional capacity in their support for us.
Adam Medeiros is a prime example. He doesn’t have a personal stake in our business. He just wanted to be a part of bringing some games into the world. And I’m deeply grateful to him.
And, I am fortunate that our business is in board games. That it’s in a community that is enthusiastic, encouraging, and incredibly supportive.
Pine Island Games would not exist if it weren’t for other designers and content creators who freely shared their knowledge:
Our company would not exist if it weren’t for the incredible openness, and spirit of collaboration in the publishing and design communities.
It’s an openness and free-sharing of knowledge that I find inspiring, and informs a large portion of how we are building and operating Pine Island Games.
Perspective
It took a thousand words, but I think I finally understand the point.
My friend who asked for rulebook credit believes in our company. He believes in us and believes that we are building something worth being a part of it. And, he wants to be a part of it and to be associated with it.
My anxiety comes from a feeling of responsibility. From a desire to create something, and to build a life that I want for myself, Chelsea, Ginger, and my family.
And sometimes it’s hard to be objective. It’s hard to step back and give yourself a break. It’s easy to get caught up and lost and to wallow a little in the little things.
Which is why we need to give ourselves a break. Which is why we need to occasionally vent. And which is why we sometimes need to step back and have a little perspective.
What is a struggle that you’ve overcome when following a passion?
